I’m sitting here with friends, it is Christmas morning the gifts have been opened the coffee has been poured and the egg casserole was good. But still in me there is loneliness. I know that I am loved in this place, but for some reason I feel alone and that loneliness has been growing the past several months, even as I read the word of God I still feel alone. I now must face my deepest fear, the fear that even though I am loved, this love my not be enough to comfort the pain of my heart. I now understand what Paul meant when he wrote in the book of Philippians 1:21-23 (For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far.) You see there is no one or no thing that can replace my desire to see Him, my God, my Savior, my Lord. After many attempts to find someone or something to fill the void in my heart, I have come to understand that no one or no thing can do it, that the void can only be filled by the one who made me. It is God alone that can make me whole. I love this life only but I now know that one day I will see Him (Jesus Christ) and only then will I have the peace and joy that I so desperately seek. Yes this Christmas morning I have come to understand that I not only need a savior, but I want to be with him. I am only in this world to tell others of what he has done, to share with them His great love, and to encouraged them to turn to Him. I am not here to love the world more then Him and with that I now can say as Paul “what than shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two. I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far.” But for now my heart also feels God has much to do with me here. Both to work on my own self, which there is so much too work on and to encourage all of you all to do the same. So that we will complete what he has for us here, for His glory and our betterment.
